Welcome to the Show
Every day we find ourselves fitting into certain boxes, playing different characters. To someone you’re a lover, a child, a friend or a colleague. Each person would describe you differently: patient, kind, sexy, reliable, fierce, honest, the list could go on. Whilst these characteristics are what make us unique, we can sometimes want out of these roles. We want to be someone else, somewhere else, just for a moment. Roleplaying in the bedroom helps us do exactly that. Roleplay is essentially acting, which is why it can seem really daunting to a lot of us. We use roleplay to play out sexy scenarios with our partners or alone, often getting into characters we don’t usually portray in reality. We can make use of prompts like erotic stories or choose to follow scenes from our favourite movies. Some seasoned roleplayers can even go off script completely and make it up as they see fit. The reasons to include roleplay in your sexual wellness toolbox are endless but here are just a few to keep you curious.
Building Intimacy
Exploring Roleplay with your partner(s) creates the opportunity to grow closer. We know that trying new things, especially activities that take us out of our comfort zones, bonds us. Intimacy is built through vulnerability and roleplay is something that requires a lot of vulnerability from us. We need to open up to our partners and reveal our desires in order to choose roleplay scenarios that work best for us. Some scenarios will feel better and more natural whilst others may be uncomfortable or even triggering. Through roleplay we can practice holding space for our partners to explore and to fail, because everyone will mess up at some point. It also teaches us to laugh more and to stop taking ourselves so seriously. Laughter should be welcomed in the bedroom! Acknowledging the messy and imperfect side of sex will only benefit us in the long run. Embrace the hiccups, lean into them and use this opportunity to grow closer to your partner.
Play out the impossible
Roleplay offers us a unique opportunity to play out scenarios that we may not be able to do in reality. Often our fantasies and desires can be 1) not socially acceptable or 2) not possible within reality. We could play out scenarios that maybe you wouldn’t want to do but enjoy the idea of, such as adultery. There might be elements of the ‘forbidden’ that turn you and your partner on and roleplaying those scenes means you can still explore that experience in a safe and healthy way. Some fantasies can be ‘way out there’, an alien perhaps? Or dinosaurs? Whatever floats your boat, roleplay can help you play that out.
New discoveries
It’s no doubt roleplay pushes us out of our comfort zones, which means we find ourselves doing things we may never have dreamed of. With practice we can allow ourselves to dive deeper into the parts of us we have suppressed or ignored. If we keep our minds open we might surprise ourselves and discover new turn ons and desires. Roleplay scenarios are unlimited but even within each scenario the story can unfold in countless ways. We need to give ourselves permission to let go and explore without fear of judgment or embarrassment. Life is too short to leave pleasure undiscovered.
Keeps the spark alight
Studies have shown that novelty keeps the spark alive in long-term relationships. As mentioned, there are countless options, scenarios and roles to explore so it never has to get repetitive or boring. Roles can be swapped or the scenes can play out in many new ways. Even if the roleplay goes wrong, or not as you imagined it playing out, doing something new together keeps things exciting. We get to see our partner(s) through different lenses. Novelty bonds us and deepens our intimate connection to our partners.
Communication Strengthening
We all know that open communication is one the biggest factors when it comes to successful relationships and partnerships. Roleplay requires us to open up about our desires, talk through scenes and how we’d like them to play out and then to check in afterwards. We get to learn from our partner’s body language as well. An opportunity to sharpen communication skills should never be turned down, especially in the bedroom.
Our Top Tip when Getting Started
Roleplay can seem intimidating when we think of playing out scenes and characters that are really unfamiliar to us such as ‘boss and secretary’ or ‘man and mistress’. We don’t actually need to follow a script or take on specific roles. One of our best pieces of advice when it comes to trying out roleplay is to work with what you’ve got. In every relationship there’s probably someone more dominant, someone more cheeky or more clumsy. There might be one partner who tends to take the lead more in the bedroom. Use these already existing roles and characteristics and build on them. Be cheekier and don’t listen to the commands of your partner. Try to come up with nicknames that feel familiar and won’t make you burst out laughing every time you try to use them. If ‘Daddy’ feels too intense, try ‘Sir’. Lean into what already exists within your relationship and emphasize it.
You don’t need to have lines or a script. Roleplay can just be an attitude but if you are looking to use your voice during it, we would recommend a bit of practice outside of the bedroom first. Write out a few lines that feel good and sexy and practice them in front of a mirror - it can’t hurt to do some ground work. We always recommend practicing something new alone first, when possible.
Add toys to the mix
Toys can be easily integrated into roleplay. You can use them as ‘torture’ devices or for punishment. Toys can create intense pleasure and you can use them on higher settings to get your partner’s toes curling. Strap-ons allow you to penetrate your partner or for you to be penetrated. This can be used during a ‘roles reversed’ scene.
Maybe there are some toys you don’t usually have at hand when having sex, like whips, chains and nipple clamps. These toys help build a scene and can come out when you’re portraying a certain character. The opportunities are endless so when you think you’ve found a scene to play out, see if there is any room to include toys to elevate it.
Have Fun!
It might be easier than you think! Throughout every day we all take on roles, we change our tone depending on who we speak to. We change our appearance depending on the occasion and we pick and choose which traits shine through depending on who is watching. Roleplaying means you can let go and be whoever you want, and you get to do it with someone you care for! Remind yourself that sex is supposed to be fun and feel good!
Here’s a couple options to get you started:
- Professor and student
- Boss and secretary
- Strangers who meet at a bar
- Dominant and submissive
- That couple from your favorite movie